Rockhound Humor
Rock and wire thingie, Image Credit: Lori Carter
(See more about this image below)
You Might Be a Rockhound If...
You think road cuts are built as tourist attractions
You describe your vacations by the rocks you brought home.
The rockpile in your garage is over your head.
Your PC screen saver features pictures of rocks.
You find rocks when you empty your pockets at night.
You went to a rock festival and you hate music.
You gave rocks, tumblers, or rock tools for Christmas.
When friends say they're going to Tucson, you assume it'll be in February.
You can find Quartzsite on a map in less than 5 seconds.
When someone mentions "Franklin" you think of New Jersey rather than Ben.
You can pronounce "molybdenite" correctly on the first try.
The polished slab on your bola tie is six inches in diameter
The bookshelves in your home hold more rocks than books; and the books that are there are about rocks.
On a trip to Europe, you're the only member of the group who spends their time looking at cathedral walls through a pocket magnifier.
You think you KNOW how to pronounce "chalcedony."
You are thinking about giving out rocks for Halloween.
You planted flowers in your rock garden.
You purchase things like drywall compound just to have another nice bucket to carry rocks in.
The club you belong to uses rocks for center-pieces for the annual Christmas dinner.
The first thing you pack for your vacation is a chisel and a hammer.
You spend hours and hours in the ugliest room in your house.
You give directions like, "turn right at the green farmhouse..."
You bought the ugliest boots available cause they were water proof.
You know what findings are for.
You watch the scenery in movies instead of the actors.
Your company asks you not to bring any more rocks to the office until they have time to reinforce the floor.
The local jewelry stores & libraries give out your name for information on rock clubs.
You examine individual rocks in driveway gravel.
Your wife knows you are down in the basement sorting rocks but can't quite find you nor does she remember that pretty wall down there.
Your local rock shops send you get well cards when you don't stop by in more than a week.
The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage.
The local university's geology department asks permission to hold a field trip - in your back yard.
The city sends you a letter informing you a landfill permit is required to put any more rocks in the back yard.
UPS has a regular pickup and delivery schedule for your house.
You can debate for hours on the differences between spectrolite and labradorite.
You shouted "Obsidian!" to a theater full of movie-goers while watching the Shawshank Redemption.
Your children have names like Rocky, Jewel, and Beryl.
You get excited when you find a hardware store with 16 pound sledge hammers and 5 foot long pry bars.
You debate for months on Internet about whether vibratory or drum tumblers are best.
You can't remember the last time your car still fit in the garage.
Local science teachers plan field trips to your back yard.
You have a two car garage and your 4WD pickup has to sit in the driveway.
They won't give you time off from work to attend the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show and you go anyway.
You begin fussing because the the light strips you installed on your bookshelves aren't full spectrum.
You've spent more than ten dollars on a rock.
You still think pet rocks are a pretty neat idea.
You have amethyst in your aquarium.
You associate the word "hard" with a value on the the Mohs scale instead of "work".
You know the location of every rock shop within a 100 mile radius of your home.
You're retired and still thinking of adding another room to your house.
You're planning on using a pick and shovel while you're on vacation.
Your spelling checker has a vocabulary that includes the words "polymorph" and "pseudomorph".
You know where Tsumeb is.
You think Franklin, New Jersey might be a cool place to go on a vacation.
You put a web page about rocks on the internet.
Your car hasn't seen the inside of your garage for ten years.
You associate the word "saw" with diamonds instead of "wood".
You begin wondering what a set of the Mineralogical Record is worth.
You decide not to get married because you'd rather keep the rock.
You make a backpack for your dog.
You've spent more than ten dollars for a book about rocks.
You have mineralogical database software on your computer.
You send your family on ahead into McDonald's so you can check the gravel in the flower beds.
You have 137 empty squeeze syrup bottles washed and ready to use as squeeze bottles on the next field trip.
THIS LIST WAS WRITTEN BY MEMBERS OF THE GMEDITORS E-MAIL SWAP GROUP.
Contributors included Mel Albright, Richard Busch, Betty Commean, Dan Imel, Bob Keller, Paul Kline
***Permission to reproduce these is given for non-profit use with attribution.
*** No commercial use is allowed.
About the image at the top of this page
Gem Tree?
You know how sometimes you start to make a little gem tree with some rock beads and wire, but end up with a Groucho Marx dog thingie instead...
Image Credit: Lori Carter