Rockhound Humor

• You think road cuts are built as tourist attractions

• You describe your vacations by the rocks you brought home.

• The rockpile in your garage is over your head.

• Your PC screen saver features pictures of rocks.

• You find rocks when you empty your pockets at night.

• You went to a rock festival and you hate music.

• You gave rocks, tumblers, or rock tools for Christmas.

• When friends say they're going to Tucson, you assume it'll be in February.

• You can find Quartzsite on a map in less than 5 seconds.

• When someone mentions "Franklin" you think of New Jersey rather than Ben.

• You can pronounce "molybdenite" correctly on the first try.

• The polished slab on your bola tie is six inches in diameter

• The bookshelves in your home hold more rocks than books; and the books that are there are about rocks.

• On a trip to Europe, you're the only member of the group who spends their time looking at cathedral walls through a pocket magnifier.

• You think you KNOW how to pronounce "chalcedony."

• You are thinking about giving out rocks for Halloween.

• You planted flowers in your rock garden.

• You purchase things like drywall compound just to have another nice bucket to carry rocks in.

• The club you belong to uses rocks for center-pieces for the annual Christmas dinner.

• The first thing you pack for your vacation is a chisel and a hammer.

• You spend hours and hours in the ugliest room in your house.

• You give directions like, "turn right at the green farmhouse..."

• You bought the ugliest boots available cause they were water proof.

• You know what findings are for.

• You watch the scenery in movies instead of the actors.

• Your company asks you not to bring any more rocks to the office until they have time to reinforce the floor.

• The local jewelry stores & libraries give out your name for information on rock clubs.

• You examine individual rocks in driveway gravel.

• Your wife knows you are down in the basement sorting rocks but can't quite find you nor does she remember that pretty wall down there.

• Your local rock shops send you get well cards when you don't stop by in more than a week.

• The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage.

• The local university's geology department asks permission to hold a field trip - in your back yard.

• The city sends you a letter informing you a landfill permit is required to put any more rocks in the back yard.

• UPS has a regular pickup and delivery schedule for your house.

• You can debate for hours on the differences between spectrolite and labradorite.

• You shouted "Obsidian!" to a theater full of movie-goers while watching the Shawshank Redemption.

• Your children have names like Rocky, Jewel, and Beryl.

• You get excited when you find a hardware store with 16 pound sledge hammers and 5 foot long pry bars.

• You debate for months on Internet about whether vibratory or drum tumblers are best.

• You can't remember the last time your car still fit in the garage.

• Local science teachers plan field trips to your back yard.

• You have a two car garage and your 4WD pickup has to sit in the driveway.

• They won't give you time off from work to attend the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show and you go anyway.

• You begin fussing because the the light strips you installed on your bookshelves aren't full spectrum.

• You've spent more than ten dollars on a rock.

• You still think pet rocks are a pretty neat idea.

• You have amethyst in your aquarium.

• You associate the word "hard" with a value on the the Mohs scale instead of "work".

• You know the location of every rock shop within a 100 mile radius of your home.

• You're retired and still thinking of adding another room to your house.

• You're planning on using a pick and shovel while you're on vacation.

• Your spelling checker has a vocabulary that includes the words "polymorph" and "pseudomorph".

• You know where Tsumeb is.

• You think Franklin, New Jersey might be a cool place to go on a vacation.

• You put a web page about rocks on the internet.

• Your car hasn't seen the inside of your garage for ten years.

• You associate the word "saw" with diamonds instead of "wood".

• You begin wondering what a set of the Mineralogical Record is worth.

• You decide not to get married because you'd rather keep the rock.

• You make a backpack for your dog.

• You've spent more than ten dollars for a book about rocks.

• You have mineralogical database software on your computer.

• You send your family on ahead into McDonald's so you can check the gravel in the flower beds.

• You have 137 empty squeeze syrup bottles washed and ready to use as squeeze bottles on the next field trip.

THIS LIST WAS WRITTEN BY MEMBERS OF THE GMEDITORS E-MAIL SWAP GROUP.

Contributors included Mel Albright, Richard Busch, Betty Commean, Dan Imel, Bob Keller, Paul Kline

***Permission to reproduce these is given for non-profit use with attribution.

*** No commercial use is allowed.